I've been attending church quite regularly for several years now in spite of my skepticism and Free Thinking.
You see, I cared for my mother at our extremely rural home for the last few years of her life and had become quite isolated. The little church that I grew up in is just across a couple of fields. Much of my blood family that's still around goes there. It's also where I learned to hate religion. But I figured, hey, what harm can come of going there? It's the only place around that I can think of to socialize with people who aren't drunks or meth heads. And I get to visit with family, too!
Over the years I have only objected to some of their beliefs and teachings a few times, and even then it was not something that made me terribly uncomfortable. But the preacher for the congregation retired recently.
We have a "substitute" preacher now. He doesn't have a home here. His is quite a ways away. He and his wife are staying in their travel home. They are from the old school. I've heard several sermon from him and not been offended.
But the last sermon he gave was one of those "hell fire and brimstone", everyone is a sinner but me and should all go to hell, and "true Christians" are discriminated against in their own "Christian Nation". He lashed out at atheists, humanists, Democrats, Catholics, gays, and everyone else that isn't a carbon copy of him.
And Jesus hates everyone that isn't him!
I've been pissed off ever since. What on Earth do they get out of playing the victim and degrading everyone else? That's rhetorical. I remember what they get out of it from my childhood.
In a nutshell, it's superiority. And it makes me sick.
I don't even want to go back. But what do I tell my cousins who I love and respect and who love and accept me? "You're beliefs are so fucked up that I can't stand to be around you anymore"? I don't think so. And I can't just stop going. They will call and come by to check on me.
I find myself in an awkward position:
I've grown intolerant of their intolerance.
There is PLENTY to teach about love, forgiveness, and compassion. Why they choose to teach the low hanging fruit of hate is beyond my grasp. I don't need to be changed to hate "the others". And if I want to change them in any way at all it is for them to LOVE "the others" without condition. They don't have to get down in the mud of life with anyone; I just think they need to teach love and not hate.
That's what their Jesus would do. That's actually WHAT HE DID in their stories. In fact, the only times he exhibited anger or frustration in those stories is when he was dealing with the unyielding, intolerant, hyper-conservative bigots of His time.
Fuck it.
